The 'dreaded' 3-0

Why is everyone more concerned about the fact I am going to turn 30 in 6 months than I am? Conventionally, one is meant to achieve certain ‘milestones’ by the time they reach 30 years i.e. climb up the career ladder, buy a house, get married, start to think about/have children. But was this not more relevant when there were more traditional set-up and our life expectancy was shorter? A women’s biology has not changed in the same time, and I am conscious that every month my eggs are ever-depleting but should that push me to make rash and forced choices about my life? Can one small eventuality dictate all other aspects of my life?

I am happily still living with my parents, seeing my boyfriend when I can. I have a lot of freedom thanks to this arrangement and able to save in the process – surely that is a perfect situation? Should I change that situation and move out of home and be in unnecessary debt just so I am able to say I have completed part of the social checklist before I enter my thirties? I know I am going to eventually move out, get married and have children but I will do it in my own time, not because I reach a certain age. Why should we be governed by something as arbitrary as age? Should I not be governed by my sense of happiness and personal fulfilment? That would be a much clearer indicator as to when I am ready to change a facet of my life, not my date of birth.

I don’t look my age, I don’t act my age, so why should I ‘be’ my age. If you have apprehensions about entering your thirties, fine, but don’t transfer them on to me!

I’m following Mark Twain’s sentiments:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Here, here! 

Memories

A little thought that I once had

got washed up in the sands of time.

Fossilised and forgotten.

A funny feeling I once felt

floated and drifted away,

Until I couldn’t see it anymore.

The thought buried under sediments, the feeling too far to remember.

One day my synapse accidentally fired an old track and dug up that fossil.

Ancient but perfectly preserved and I’m transported back in time. Why did I forget you?

More old-new tracks are fired, forming the binoculars of the past until, look, the feeling, I see the feeling.

I remember the feeling and why I left you faraway.

Reminiscing, ruminating, recollecting, recalling, reflecting.

Pondering pensively.

Musing mindfully.

Always thinking. 

Pride

Is it so wrong to feel proud of your achievements and your life? I appreciate in its more extreme and negative form, pride is known as hubris and is considered by some as the deadliest of the seven sins. I agree, an inflated sense of self and your achievements is a bad trait but I think we are so worried about appearing arrogant that we don't merit deserved achievements!

This all goes back to my 'positive thinking' theme (which I will get over with soon, I promise) but it is true we should recognise when we and others have done a good job. There is nothing worse than a jaded nobody dampening your mood (you don't want a deadly sin battle between envy and pride); our culture has a default mode of belittling others to elevate our own egos. Apart from that being dreadfully dull and depressing, it doesn't encourage people to be creative just bitter. 

I'm proud of myself, particularly at starting the weekly blogs. I may be one of many that adds to the cyber junk but it makes me happy!

It's good to talk

For the majority of my life, I have remained pretty stoic when it comes to my feelings and I have been reluctant to seek advice from others. I suppose this is a typical British ‘stiff upper lip’ and admitting any fallibility is an indication of weaknesses. (In the spirit of the Diamond Jubilee, I am very proud to be British; although not to the extent of standing by the banks of the Thames in the rain to watch a flotilla of barges and boats). However, I have realised that admitting your foibles is not a weakness but a strength!

When you confide in friends, you discover that they have the same stresses and worries as you do, and in a strange schadenfreude way it is reassuring to know that someone else is experiencing the same thing as you. Discussing your problems not only means you have to confront them but verbalising them often makes them more palatable. I thought I was alone in my apprehensions about the future and what I want to ‘do’ with my life but I since realising this is a common anxiety amongst my peers, I have become much more relaxed. There is no certainty about your path in life but there is nothing wrong with taking a different course or admitting that something did not perhaps work out as planned, or that you do not even have a plan!

So if there is something on your mind, talk to someone about it or just talk to someone anyway. I guarantee you will feel much better and even if that person cannot solve your particular issue, at least you would have had a temporary distraction from it.

The quote below is a tenuous link to my blog today but I wanted to post it anyway because I like it:  

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Tennyson

In Memoriam A.H.H, 1849